I used to be terrified of change.
For me, it probably stemmed from a lack of self-acceptance that I would eventually and continuously evolve as I got older. Also, I hadn’t had many friendship or romantic breakups until my late teens. Until then, I was very methodical. I spent many, many hours daydreaming about my future wedding, dancing with the boy I had just met a week ago. It’s clear to me, that if I never let go of wanting things a certain way, I wouldn’t be so receptive to change now. I know that freedom feels beautiful to me. Knowing that I can be authentic, and be someone who can evolve, and discover more about myself and my “place” in the world. It’s radical in the best way possible. I don’t think I have evolved enough yet. After all, I’m only 21.
Time has allowed me the space and freedom to discover what I want, and to not be tied down to anyone or anything. There’s no part of me that wants to be the same person I once was a year ago, or even six months ago. From what I have observed, and through what I feel deeply, the older I get, the better I am at understanding who I am at the core. I can change my mind at anytime. I can abandon all creative ideas I think could make me a millionaire. I could move to the south of France and be a florist. I could wear bright red lipstick everyday without a care. No matter how radical it seems to others, it is up to ME what I choose to do with my time, my energy, and my limitless opportunistic life. I don’t have to accept the reality that has been forced onto me for over two decades. I choose to accept the reality that makes me feel love, joy, and happiness.
It’s all about perspective.
There’s no such thing as “messing up” or “doing the wrong thing”. It’s all about how you pivot in times of change. You can choose to move in new refined direction, or you can keep going around in circles, desperately waiting for your big break (which will never come unless you put in the work!!!). I think many of us are, and can be afraid of change because we don’t recognise the version of us who is comfortable in that place of newness. But I have found it incredibly transformative to visualise my future self living the life I am working towards. It means that I see my future “goals” as tangible, rather than like a pipe dream. No matter what, it feels comforting knowing that I have a profound effect on my future. It makes things fun, but also very very real, though. There is so much beauty in finding the joy in the entire process of change and expansion.
Love Always,
Amy